Coltonology 101: Or How to Turn a Championship Team Into the Worst in the League
Four years is a long time in the NLL, long enough for a team to transform from a champion to tied for the 2nd worst record of all time. We're not talking mediocre. We're talking 18-64 bad. So how did GM Colton pull over turning the Blazers into the worst team in the NLL season? It's a sad story, one that doesn't even have a clownish GM who is somewhat self-aware of how bad his team really is.
This horrific season began when Colton sent away one of the last bastions of the 06 Blazers, Paul Pierce, to the Philadelphia 76ers, along with Luis Scola, that netted them Richard Hamilton and Sean May. Here is some simple math: Hamilton+May < Pierce and Scola. May would break something soon after the season began and Hamilton spent much of his season on the IR.
Colton then traded defensive titan Ben Wallace to the Nuggets for Jarvis Hayes. He then waived Hayes (who went right back to Nicky in Denver).
Did I mention Colton still had Tracy McGrady sitting on his roster? FLASH BACK: The Portland Trail Blazers send
Zach Randolph,
Andres Nocioni and
JaVale McGee to the Utah Jazz. The Utah Jazz send
Tracy McGrady,
Ryan Bowen and
Luis Scola to the Portland Trail Blazers. Colton, the Utah fans thank you!
Before he decided to hang up the "Gone Shootin'" sign on his office door, Colton tried to play spoiler, ringing up the RFA contracts David Lee and
Paul Millsap, making the Knicks claim those guys and later hemorrhage GM points later. So who did Portland end up signing? Mardy Collins, Vladimir Radmanovic, Jawad Williams and Ryan Bowen. Snicker.
The rest of the season was free fall. Colton was hunting, fishing, looking at porn, firing off his rifle, complaining about his girl, dressing up as the Indiana GM for Halloween, drinking egg nog, going on hot air balloon rides, washing his hair, shopping for more guns, posting on Facebook, anything but simming games and racking up GM points for his supposed 2010-11 plan. Hell, he even fired the team's entire IT department.
In the meantime, he gave away Nick Young,
Jrue Holiday and Jonas Jerebko.
Then, in a stroke of luck that rivals Mr. Bean, the Blazers' bad performance was rewarded with the first round pick!
John Wall, baby! But Colton was stymied, the Knicks dangled Deron Williams. What to do? Wisely, Colton remained with Wall.
So, the new season begins and a new dawn breaks in Portland. The team will build around Wall. Colton made some more trades, conscripted the services of Kirk Hinrich, Nick Collison, CJ Miles and Ronnie Price. He's going to need to wisely spend his nearly $40 million in FA money. Let's hope he does it wisely.